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people keep telling me i’ll move on and find someone even better, that this just wasn’t meant to be.

but i believe that you learn and grow at different times in your life, and it’s not that we’re not meant to be, just that we met at a bad time. I don’t know if it was all just a misunderstanding - and too much attacking and damage was done in the process of trying to achieve our goal.
But I know he was the one. I remember one time sitting in his car in May, and he said, “God, I haven’t liked a girl like this in so long….”
And I remember one time he said to me, “I don’t need law school. But I know you are something I want to keep in my life in the long-run.”
And I remember one time, standing in his garage, he stood up close to me and said directly to my face, “April, you are special to me. You make me more honest with myself, and you, and others.”
And all those times he tried to work it out, for 3 months, after all my shitty, impulsive, uncontrolled treatment and accusations…. He stayed.
So I can’t get over him by thinking he didn’t share my romantic fantasy in wanting my partner to be my priority and everything/happiness in their life.
Had I learned this lesson from a previous guy, I believe we’d be perfect together right now.
But that wasn’t god’s plan. But really God, did it have to hurt this much?
But I gotta keep breathing and accept that what I did was inexcusable, yet I couldn’t help it at the time. And this is just how things turned out. You can put your effort in and try and do anything you can for it to work, but at some point, situations are out of your control.
I feel guilty enough for not giving him the break he needed all this time. And as they say, if you really cared about someone’s well-being, you would give them what they want, even if it means you not being in their life.

And just like that, he was gone.

The guy whose depth and sex appeal of eyes I’d never seen anything like before.

The guy who courted me the right way.

The guy who took his time getting to know me.

The guy who always opened the car door for me, and reflexively pushed back the chair for me.

The guy who always wanted to sit next to me at tables in restaurants, as opposed to across from me.

The guy who didn’t try to be witty or to show off.

The guy who was masculine in essence.

The guy who was sweet and noble in character.

The guy who told me he thought I was the girl he’d been waiting for his whole life, over stuttered, shy, careful words…

The guy who told me he wouldn’t mind marrying me.

The guy who told me wanted to be with me, always.

The guy who told me he wanted to be as close to me as possible.

The guy who told me it was me and him, “fuck everybody else.”

The guy who told me he would kill my enemies with me and be clutch for me.

The guy who told me he would never want me out of his life completely.

The guy who told me he would always have romantic feelings for me.

The guy who told me he couldn’t say no to this gorgeous face.

The guy who made breakfast for me every morning.

The guy who didn’t text or get texts from any girls.

The guy who put me above his friends and school.

The guy who made me cum so consistently, and more times I ever had in my life.

The guy who always had free time for me.

The guy who said “Whatever you want,” concerning what to do.

The guy who would drive a hour to my house just at the suspicion that I’m crying on the phone.

The guy who would pick a fight with a guy on the street at the sight of him hitting on me.

The guy who would reflexively defend me when I’m in a fight with anyone.

The guy who would say, “No, stay, just sleep over, because I care about you,” after a fight instead of letting me drive home for a hour at night.

The guy who would push my hood back, and make me face him and not hide in the middle of a fight.

The guy who would pull me back into his house instead of letting me go home.

The guy who would drive to my work to talk it out, instead of fight through text.

The guy who persisted and saw gold in me.

The guy who told me before meeting me, he was kinda just doing whatever, but after knowing me, he had something to be happy about.

The guy who would say “April… why are you still crying?” in bed, in silence, before falling asleep.

The guy who was masculine enough to fix and make things, like my car lights or stereo.

The guy who was manly enough to always drive and make me sit in the passenger seat.

The guy who was manly enough to always be able to realize our plans through planning and world-knowledge.

The guy who would exercise with me and make sure I got a real work out.

The guy who sang to me in the car on the drive home from Vegas.

The guy who was so reliable and always picked up my call or called me back.

The guy who would remember our plans and never leave them unfinished - in the beginning.

The guy who was finally decent, honest, and loyal.

The guy who had swag, but dressed casually (perfect).

The guy who had a strong back.

The guy who was in touch with survival and the out-doors.

The guy who knew little things here and there about health.

The guy who accepted my crazy interests.

The guy who loved food and to cook. :)

The guy who just liked to chill.

The guy who gave me his all.

(Source: taca-la-petaca)

Scaryass movie.

Scaryass movie.

“But only I can live my life,
And only I can feel my heart break.”
Ashanti (Don’t Let Them)

I feel so abandoned. There is a little bit of anger, but I feel utterly sad, so sad that I’m practically destroyed. To have to take in the FACT that the person you love SOOOOO much is leaving you for good.

You never thought it would happen, did you?

God it’s so dirty

I fucking LOVE IT.

“Love isn’t safe. And whoever you love will hurt you. It’s part of the human experience. No one is perfect… people make mistakes. The secret is to focus on what they do right and decide what quirks you can live with.”
Kristin Billerbeck (via jodie-k)

(Source: onlinecounsellingcollege)

I can’t seem to look at you objectively. When I look at you or think of you, I think you are so beautiful and magical.

“we’re both the same way. sensible girls but when we love we throw any rationality out the window”
My friend Christine